I am torn between feeling fortunate and feeling totally depressed.
I am fortunate to have a great job at a wonderful institution and am just wrapping up the most amazing 3 months of maternity leave one could ask for. The thought of leaving my beautiful babies for 8 hours a day has me completely depressed and distressed. Not to mention the drama associated with my work wardrobe....while this is an entirely different topic, it's one that will be getting some attention in the next few days. After all, I don't intend to be this size or shape for much longer, but I do have to acquire some clothing that is appropriate for work and the auto show floor. I digress.
My pregnancy was long and uncomfortable (why wouldn't it be with a 10+ pounder growing inside me?!) and my doctor suggested I take off early. My last day of work was in late September, nearly a month before my son was born. In retrospect, it was such a treat to have the extra few weeks to spend with Eleanor before she became a big sister. We enjoyed several trips to the zoo, long walks in the neighborhood, visits with grandpa and lunches with daddy. It was an incredible three weeks. Once Lincoln arrived, it only got better. He is beautiful and healthy and happy and his sister is in L-O-V-E!
I am returning to work on January 11. My colleagues are incredibly supportive and are like a second family to me. While I'm looking forward to being back on campus surrounded by those wonderfully creative minds, I have a minor panic attack every time I think about making the drive down I-75. I can just imagine Eleanor's face at the screen door as I pull down the driveway...I've seen it before, taut with sadness and tear streaked. I know it will only last a few minutes for her but that impression will plague me through the day. The mantra that carried me the first time I took the plunge from home to work was "I'm doing this for you, little one. I'm setting a good example. I'm providing resources for our family." I'll try those again.
Over the next 10 days I will be taking extra care to focus on what really matters.
You know I love ya! I wish that you didn't have to go back to work, but that is where you are being called to and everything will work out just fine! Hang in there...you know it always gets easier as time passes!
ReplyDeleteAre we free to help edit? (taut)
ReplyDeleteHi T! Great post.
ReplyDeleteSince you are only at post one, I thought I'd toss in a push to drop Blogger and join Tumblr for your blogging tool. I love Tumblr. It has amazing templates and is designed for intermixing long form posts with short posts, photos, and videos. It has an amazing community on top of it and sucks away most of my day like no other website.
Check mine out at madthoughts.net and let me know if you try it out.